When you live with your dude and him and the boys are in the living room

Me on LSD ordering food: Hi, can I trust you?

My Instagram name used to be “dulceandbananas” and I rejected this guy and then ran into him in public and he said “are you dulceandbananas” and I was like “I’m so sorry dude, that is a catfish”

he was ceo she was head of HR can I make it any more obvious

does the "fuck" in "fuck bitches, get money." mean ignore or have sex with

Mount Rushmore of haters

How it feels when you fly over a curb and there’s nothing wrong with your tires

The devil wears Prada 2 should have been called “the devil wears balenciaga”

Very fat of him

we're evolving backwards

things are being canceled that have never been canceled before

nothing that whiskey can’t fix

My emotional support big shirt

A simp to all is a simp to none

Me greeting a group of men: Hey hotties What’s up queens Hi pumpkins Hello divas

entering the club and scouting where to get anxiety attacks

Gave the homeless guy $20 to say we look cute together when we walk by

I love the free hot food bar at Whole Foods, they’re so generous

Checking my block list to see who’s eligible for parole

My dog never lets me take photos of him, like does he have a secret family?