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The 19-year-olds who attend my favorite university didn’t score enough touchdowns today so I’m blacked out, facedown in the driveway. My wife is crying, begging me to come inside & sing Happy Birthday to my son. “Please just reverse the Rav4” I whisper into the concrete.

vibes are absolutely immaculate

I just want to take a step back and say that I think the Supreme Court just fundamentally altered the structure and nature of democracy in America. It awards the president the measure of power and immunity that is much, much closer to a king or emperor than an elected official.

Sorry I gotta take this

Yes

Born to quote this every time I sit down for a meal. Forced to be a normal person in social settings.

What's worse- the celebration or the fact it's his first hit since the assassination attempt

Weather: perfect Seats: perfect Randy: Arozarena Crossing off my 26th MLB stadium

Congrats to my dad for crossing off his 30th and final MLB stadium

Not now babe, I’m going for a spin on my meatorcycle

Almost that time.. 🐊

I have information that will lead to the arrest of Billy Napier and Scott Stricklin

Trying to figure out what I can tweet about Florida Football that wouldn’t get me put on the federal No Fly List. Coming up empty so far.

I’ll give you $100 if you resign today Scott Stricklin

Since 2016, Gators head coaches in all sports hired by Scott Stricklin are a combined 86-398 with 0 national championships while Gators head coaches hired by Jeremy Foley are a combined 390-38 with 18 national championships

Florida fans just booed a "drive sober or get pulled over" ad read by Bily Napier on the Jumbotron. They booed as Napier finished his TV interview and left the field again. They chanted "Fire Billy" during Florida's last offensive drive of the first half. 20-0 Aggies.

Reminder that UF doesn’t have a permanent president that can fire Scott Stricklin because Ben Sasse was siphoning money from the university

NOBODY keeps the Gators under .500

DEFENDED THE BAY