My family didn't invent gravity, we only own the patent. Everytime you drop something you owe us a nickel.

Question for TTC Customer Service Why hasn't the stop for the 506 WB at Upper Gerrard Street East been moved back to the transit shelter?

Come see a great show for a great cause

I will be here!

NEXT UP! The HOT LIST ft. @theLeonardChan, @StalkingNatalie, @MostynComedy, @LivStadler, Drew Gravity, David Andrew Brent & more! *Saturday, December 28th* @ComedyBar! Get your tickets here: bit.ly/bwdec28 #thehotlist #toronto #comedyTO #torontocomedy #torontoevents

For those of you with both depression and anxiety please stop talking about it, you're making those of us who only have one feel left out.

Do you think Trump cheered for Ivan Drago in Rocky IV?

I don't know what's better, cheddar cheese or electricity?

Me: I want to sleep My insomnia: But what about not sleeping? Me: No I want to sleep. M I: We're gonna do my thing.

I think Trump is Mr Mxyzptlk so all we have to do is get him to say his name backwards twice and we're set.

Aide: Who do you want for your cabinet? Trump: Opposites! A: ? T: Whatever the job is I want people who are the opposite, like in business.

My insomnia: Wake up it's quarter to five in the AM. Me: But I don't have to be up for a couple hours?! MI: HaHa we're doing it anyway!

2 great shows tonite! 9:30pm -The Hosts With The Most Comedy Show $10 11pm -New Material Comedy Show $5 or free if you come to the 1st show!

2 great shows tonight! 9:30om Best of The Underground w/ host Drew Gravity 11pm Tight Five Comedy w/ host @arielkagan JUST $5 COVER ALL NIGHT!

No one cares about that thing you didn't do that one time.

Really looking forward to the new Star Trek show, Star Trek: Moral Quandaries & Exploding Consoles!

"Hi I'm Satan!" -first draft of Sympathy for the Devil

Happy to have Drew Gravity Terrifius Rick Da Beaut Rowley and Monty Scott !!! 9pm Betty's, 240 king st e #comedy #Toronto #wednesdaywisdom

Gonna be at The Corner Comedy Club tonight for the two year anniversary. Come on down and have a laugh.

The origin of Guy Fawkes Day People: let's get drunk and burn shit!