Breaking News: confirmation has been received. The door handles for Robotaxi are rigged to activate nuclear codes if Iran decides to strike Texas.

Heated Reports Yes, Bernie Sanders is there with her

Call off the sale Jeff

I speak for all America when I say this bill ain’t beautiful until it forces Chili's Grill & Bar to bring back the Original Chicken Crispers.

As a Republican communist myself I totally agree!

Gayyyyyyyy!

Breaking: Hakeem Jeffries is currently speaking on the Big Beautiful Bill for 6 and a half hours. The record for the longest speech in the house is from my Uncle Wilbert who talked for a total of 9 hours at our thanksgiving dinner about his childhood.

I was promised no income taxes in place of tariffs. I was promised no taxes on tips and overtime only to find it capped and with an expiration date. I was promised lower taxes via budget cuts only to have $4 trillion dollars added to the credit card. I was promised Original

Per Donald Trump’s FBI, Epstein has never been to Chuck E. Cheese . This is breaking news!

What’s the time? Oh look, it’s no-one-has-been-arrested-o’clock again …

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the bean burrito.

Can we put the entire IRS on Pam Bondi's desk? It might actually vanish.

jUsT gEt oVeR iT aNd lEt tHe rApE tHiNg sLiDe

Found in the Epstein Documents today!

You know who wouldn’t be caught rescuing a turtle on the side of a freeway, Epstein’s client list.

Whyyyyyyy! Whyyyyyy!

#Breaking Now it’s OnlyChans

If I am elected president the Epstein files may or may not be released. I may or may not do half the things I say. Just trust me for 8 years. That’s all I ask. After, you’ll never hear from me again.

Imagine flying a kite and it gets zapped down by an internet laser streaming porn to the neighborhood Bus Lady.