This apple over here lookin a little sus.

Clothing brands need to make half sizes in everything. I’m not a medium. I’m not a large. I’m a medium.5

I just learned that you can mold age fish. Mold. Age. Fish.

I always gotta check to see if the person looks as stupid as they drive.

It’s not even Friday yet.

Woke up early so I could do nothing longer.

The toughest decision in going to make today is whether to have a bloody now and then take a nap, or take a nap now and then have a bloody.

17: Mom can I go to the Mall of America? 14: Gotta stay strapped. Brrrraaaap! 17: What are you even talking about? 14: You gotta bring mom’s strap on! 15: 😳 Me: My what!? 17 died, I died, 15 died, 14 is oblivious.

You know what’s bullshit - the weekend lasting 3 seconds and each week day lasting 7 years.

What’s the word for happy you woke but it’s Monday so fuck that?

Just fyi, I woke up adorable af.

Congratulations to literally everyone in the world for getting married 15 years ago today.

💀💀💀

open.spotify.com/track/4S1VYqwf… 🥰🥰🥰

Me and WayoWayo on our annual back to school shopping trip!!! Ps. This photo was taken hours ago… before the shots. 🙌🏼

vodka may not solve my problems today but it’s worth a shot.

And when it rains, Jesus take the wheel!