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I don't have eggs but I have a cup of blended chicken

Damn I forgot to update my desk calendar. Anybody know what day it is?

This is the funniest shit I've seen in my whole entire life

If a restaurant served wet bread, you'd scoff in disgust. And yet you dip your bread into soup you God damn hypocrite

I made an AI assistant to watch all of my "Watch Later" Youtube videos. Here's how I did it a 🧵👇

Don't talk to me if you drink anything except this. Real ones know

I wear regular pants to the gym unless I'm doing legs

Um a service that lets you rent a kitted out van that you'd see in a stealth camping video

Me and who??

Oh I bring my own programming languages to jobs. I don't use whatever they provide

It would feel so good if our bones turned to jelly when we slept

Being married means bringing an extra jacket for your wife because she'll say it "looks warm"

*walking into a nudist's house "Should I take my shoes and clothes off?"

I was trying to debug an issue with a udp server. So I wrote a test udp client. Then I was debugging new issues so I wrote a new udp server. So now my new client talks to my new server. I don't know why but it feels dirty like some sort of weird circular computer masturbation

Me eating popcorn

When the alert says "1 minute before standup"

Blows my mind how slow some software devs type. I can't tell if it's your hands or your brain

My wife, "do you think Kanye West ever gets compared to Dolly Parton?"