number one alpha move #publicnutpull

no way i just crossed paths with the nutmobile

the random i always get seated by

using the forbidden pre at the gym (post interview rejection email)

I found $35 on the sidewalk one time and I remember that more fondly than my college graduation

what y’all know about the snowball effect

god forbid women have hobbies

on some shit you cannot even remotely fathom

licking the blender blades feels like i’m a dog with those puzzle bowls

remember to tell the men in your life happy mother’s day because they have mothers too

damn you must suck

am i the only white boy that listens to lana del rey, hates domestic violence and loves cats more than anything else in the world

when i piss i take my balls out too

gave my girl the ick reacting to the pacer game

should you tell someone in public their buttcrack is out bc i’d want to know

grok, show me this guys balls

pacers everytime they’re down 10 with 2 mins in the fourth