Me: *eating* My dog:

Hey little buddy Donald J. Trump u need a bash brother for Chief if Staff. Got a secret reorg plan already. Also worried about you looking more like a Twinkie everyday. I will buff you up daily workouts. DM me. #yeswecanseco

So yeah...We are going to need you to come in on Saturday... #OfficeSpace #GoAgs

Guess all mighty @nfl can hold players out against there will no criminal charges pending nothing but A Caucasian player gets a domestic go to jail still out there playing targeted hate against us everywhere my peeps

2020 vibes hope u see me clearly God use me for your glory !!!!

“Black trans women have a very simple message: stop killing us” - Imara Jones translash.org

Do people not realise that when they say they are offended by a joke it makes that joke even funnier for the rest of us.

Thanks waze for giving me a heads up on the #blacklivematter idiots protesting on the #BayBridge today!

#SMH #GoodOlDays Loko Bro ︻╦╤─ Dru James

LIVE on #Periscope: Squaw pscp.tv/w/aZjLyTExMTYy…

Hi McDonald's why did my order come with a weed baggie that has 4 napkins in it?

How long did it take your staff of 823 people to think that up--and where are your 33,000 emails that you deleted? x.com/hillaryclinton…

Having a good time StubHub #festivalpro

Thanks @uber for the slogging program. Just had $80 worth of dessert.

Happening now: a confrontation on the ped mall as people burn an American flag as protest.

If U.C. Berkeley does not allow free speech and practices violence on innocent people with a different point of view - NO FEDERAL FUNDS?

HELP ME PLEASE. A MAN NEEDS HIS NUGGS

Faltan 4 días para el Gran Cumpleaños de Sammy Sosa en París!!!

Hi TODAY not sure if you've found a replacement for Matty, but Kari Ellsworth would be a great fit for the TODAY. She brings great energy along with a very strong and professional personality.

Does soda make you gain wight