5 Jack and Cokes and 12 zyns in by 1pm.. the purple hair girls and the deep state are fuming right now. Libs never should of let us get to Friday Heatdaddy

Walked into the office this morning and my secretary had a candle lit next to 12 “spiritual” crystals on her desk.. I’m getting some extra slobby knob today for sure. This chick is a freak

Told myself I was done drinking on Thursdays. I woke up this morning with a #2 mechanical pencil in my ass with and my pet hamster ripping my 8-ball I bought last night.

I’m so fucking horny that the panthers won the cup. Canada can twist my taint hair and make their old lady floss with it. Do feel bad for McDavid but he’ll get one very soon.

Jesus Christ

So horny and hungover at work right now. I rubbed my cock against my desk chair and currently now am fucking a cut off propel bottle with a warmed up plastic bag of coffee creamer

Found a dime bag in my daughter’s room last night… nobody does nose cardio without papa.

There needs to be follow up driving tests for females every 7 years. It’s turning into a public safety epidemic #WomenEmpowerment

Took 4 Ambiens, a blue chew and drank a quarter bottle of Jack last night. I Woke up to my wives clothes packed while I sat in bed with Nutella all over my cock

Hazing in ncaa 25? #bows #toes EASPORTSCollege

I fucking love hot chicks with massive racks

God I love this

Sorry babe.. the chew stays in during sex

So horny I might give my Haitian cleaning lady a reverse blumpkin on her lunch break

So fucking bricked up right now. Took my 15 year old daughter’s adderall and drank a cold brew. The deep states hates me sitting here stimmed out of my mind stroking my shit in the handicap stall with two pouches in my upper porch

I wanna tie a rope around my balls and watch them float in a pool

I love my job so much

Crazy bitches absolutely suck. And not the crazy bitches who would build a stack of legos on your rectum. I’m talking the actual crazy bitches who need to be put down

Browns need to hire 15-20 female massage therapists with no self respect to make sure Deshaun starts balling out again