Flaring my nostrils and tucking my ears back so my handler knows I have spent too much time in my stable and need to go outside and run around + watch the cars go by.

Nice 2,000 ton galleon bro. She let me hit because my map has all the sea monsters on it.

Hobbies and Skills: •Really good at thinking about awesome stuff

Parents are connecting a Walmart Chinese spy device to the home wifi that does a 4-note xylophone ping every 10 seconds and shouts very loud instructions through a McDonald’s toy-tier microphone. The auditory overstimuli-tism is making me bloodthirsty.

The concept of an Everything Shower implies the existence of a Nothing Shower.

I’m 25 and don’t know what a chapel roan is maybe I’ll ask my grandkids.

They are all I see anymore.

Hitting PR after PR on Tokyo Cop at Dave and Buster’s smashed on Miller Genuine Draft while in earshot of a 9-year old’s parents ruining his birthday party by approaching divorce-level arguments in front of his friends could make me believe in God again.

Hit the Sour Cream and Onion vape and saw this symbol flash in my peripheral vision.

What if instead of the rapture it was The Parapture and one day there was a heavenly light cast upon humanity and the sinners all saw “U rappin’ BLASPHEMOUS !” in their collective vision and they were made to face punishment in the Lake of Fire while the COOL believers ascended

Finished Elephantify your oc commission for DTunedDeer ! 💜🐘

They are building a male singer solo act biopic cinematic universe right under your nose and you had no clue, did you?

Heartbreaking: Phone Books set to be extinct by 2045 as strongmen are ripping them in half faster than they are being produced.

Smoking that shit that drove Oscar Wilde

French guy talking about AI: “Ah, oui I have been using shat j’petie”

UK bill to send police squads to every home to chainsaw off citizens’ genitals. Citizens petition to not have police squads chainsaw off citizens’ genitals. 3 million signatures. Government response: We will send police squads to every home to chainsaw off citizens’ genitals.

Inspecting my Gadget rn

Shawty spun around on it like a Kia Soul Hamster I shouted holy mackerel !!

Been Googling absolutely useless information. Just utter nonsense. “Who is the mayor of Bikini Bottom?” I need to be put down bro.

Skateboarding Baby Names (Boy): Shredward Kickphillip Steezy Smith Frontside 1080 Skateboarding Baby Names (Girl): Alley-Oop Chickflip Christ Air Michael