if that was my me and husband, that dude would be dead and we would be smiling in our mugshots

praying for everyone in florida. stay safe friends 🖤

Milton showing up in the middle of the night like a booty call is toxic

there’s no one else around this guy while he’s making this announcement because of the sheer size of his cock and balls. A+ for Florida

doing my part shitposting for Florida

@ anyone who leaves their pets behind when they evacuate: your mom’s a ho, your grandma’s a ho, and I hope you get eaten by a gator

I didn’t know storm troopers even had penises to cut off in all honestly

saw Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D at the theater last night. 10/10 would recommend, it was a fantastic movie for 3D

husband is watching football in the living room. i’m watching sister wives in the bedroom. curtains are open. sun is out. pizza is on the way. happy sunday friends 🏈 🍂🍃🍕🌲

need an app that deletes all the accidental screenshots I take when i’m half asleep and trying to snooze my alarm

one of the best parts about being a woman is that I never have to be the one to get up and go figure out what that noise was

my asian grandma desperately wants a great-grandchild, so today she’s sending me home with pickled ginger that I have to eat every day because apparently it’ll help me get pregnant

ordered mcdonald’s for dinner #Trump2024

starting a new horror book tonight 📖

say good luck hannah i’ll tell u what it’s for later