me: rough night, lemme scroll twitter for a few laughs twitter: here is the latest way your J&J vax is going to kill you

Me, watching #Olympics gymnastics while lying on the couch eating taffy: “I would’ve nailed that floor routine”

me, watching diving: “wow that was the most incredible feat of physical strength and artistry I’ve ever witnessed” #Olympics commentator: “the takeoff was uneven and he only completed eleven somersaults, what a huge disappointment he is to his country and athleticism”

a humbling reminder of my indelible impact on the lives of others

why would I take 10 seconds to write down my login info when I can click “forgot password” and answer “what is the name of your childhood best friend” multiple times a day until I am dead

New York Post 100% of me wants to stop seeing pictures of Elon Musk’s face

quick, how do I get the fentanyl out of the m&ms

The unexpected side benefit of the ChatGPT explosion is that I now beam with pride when the first line of a student’s essay is like “their is alot of great thing’s abt the great gatsby for example the title.”

One of my freshmen concluded his persuasive essay with “for the love of G-d just please stop giving homework” and I have to say I’m convinced.

As 2023 draws to a close, let’s all take a moment to remember what’s truly important: There is no ‘s’ at the end of “Happy New Year.”

my kid, reading a self-help book: “Mommy, if you don’t make time to do something unpleasant now, you might end up having no time for it at all” me: “perfect”

my kid: “thank you for this shirt, Mommy. I’ll wear it on national cringe day”

I like when AI reminds us that it’s really just a sixth-grader inexplicably tasked with “peer editing” another kid’s book report.

Taylor Swift is drinking to dull the pain of having to act sufficiently dejected for her boyfriend instead of singing along with Usher #SuperBowl

no school i love precedent day 🙏 thank you presents day 🙏

“I didn’t know how to read in third grade and I turned out just fine!” #SOTU

me, mumbling to myself while grading essays at 3 am #Debates2024

These Google AI commercials showing kids how to generate fan letters to Olympians are truly inspiring. Next up: “Dear My Esteemed Fiancé, I trust that these wedding vows will find you well.” #Paris2024

#Trump is speaking with the enthusiasm of a prisoner tasked with picking up garbage along the interstate.