*twins find a dead frog* “It’s like the frog from princess and the frog”-Taby “Do you think if you kiss it, it will turn into a dead prince?”-Dad

Twitter needs a ‘Bible Mode’ where it formats everything to look like you’re reading the Bible on your phone.

The rapture will come, the trumpets will sound, and people from the Midwest will think it is noon on the first Wednesday of the month.

Almost redislocated my elbow trying to lick salsa off my arm.

Everyone is distracted by coronavirus. You know what this means...Prime time to commit some crime :)

Has anyone said 'Quentin Quarantino' yet? Just checkin.

“Warning: do not eat a mouthful of Altoids. You can smell absolute 0° Kelvin” -Tristan

How can the board of education expect so much from us when there was never a Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide episode on this???

Let’s Make America Smart Again

A hearse is just a goth station wagon

“Goofball” is the school appropriate version of “crackhead” I was always hyped up as shit at these tournaments on more caffeine than should be humanly possible to ingest.

I joined twitter to share and read scientific papers and now I’m an anarchist

*Lilly and Taby getting into my car* Taby: “Do you have a TV in here?” Me: “Taby I don’t even have air conditioning in here”

2020 is a South Park episode