The funk is holding me hostage!

weed melatonin and caffeine in my body doing the devil's rock paper scissors

i’d be scared too 💀

i used to play drums for a church and they knew i was agnostic and every time i would play a good set the worship leader would say “you think that wasn’t the holy spirit moving you to play that way?” like no dude i’m just cracked as fuck

I yearn for unemployment but not like that

the rest is out boygenius.lnk.to/therest

*puts on a hat* “PERRY the egg-laying, duck-billed, beaver-tailed, otter-footed, venomous mammal THE PLATYPUS?!?”

mfs when they lose their vape in between the seats

you're never too old to go trick or treating but you can be too tall. if you're over 6 feet i'm not opening the door.

dream joint rotation: me the hilarious ross mathews style super star carson kressley

I don’t ever want to work somewhere that I can’t talk shit with my boss over text on the clock

Listened to some folk punk and I believe in the power of music again so nvm

If I entered this competition they’d probably take me out the back and shoot me

Working in a Cafe is funny because you’ll be 24 and your greatest enemy in the world is a 5 year old kid with bad manners

cig lizard you have to stop. You smoke too tough. Your swag too different. Your bitch is too bad. they'll kill you.

Me and my 5 year old nemesis at the cafe