there is no smoke problem in ba sing se

There aren't enough gargoyles on shit anymore

Couples on Feeld

If you’re in line to see Barbie, STAY IN LINE

Every time I go to Trader Joe’s I shop like it’s the last time I’ll ever be there

My optometrist said my eyes are sensitive to the sun and I said “I wish they made sunscreen for your eyes” and she said “they do it’s called sunglasses”

See Adam Muller Adam Muller this Sunday September 3rd on our Labor Day Weekend Showcase ft. Lily Lester Lily Lester Ryan Keefe ryankeefecomedy & Mel Harris Mel Harris at Atlantic City Comedy Club inside The Claridge Hotel! GET TICKETS 🎟️⬇️ atlanticcitycomedyclub.com/events/the-atl…

Where is the laundromat that’s also a coffee shop

Playing the role of Eve is helping me connect with my ancestors and myself, writes Lily Lester. bit.ly/48gwYmZ

Yeah the North Sea is scary but you’ve clearly never had your homemade salad leak dressing into your backpack

I love mobile check deposit because my photos always include a little bit of my foot

I love matcha like yesssss gimme a cup of milk that tastes a little like dirt

Becoming an adult means realizing you have to clean the things that clean other things.

Not eating bread for a week during Passover? You mean every Jewish almond mom’s dream?

I’m working laaaaaaate cause I’m a singer* *person who does not know how to set boundaries in the workplace

There’s something so humanizing about finance bros checking the stock market while vaping on the train

sometimes I think my mom doesn’t get me and then

You think you’ve seen all there is and then you see a grown man drinking a bottle of nesquik

Breaking! Pro-gun advocates love guns unless they’re being shot at tr*mp

Using incognito browsing to look up definitions of words I should know