Is being fat and miserable a requirement for saying retarded things

You know when you’re exhausted but you don’t know what to post and all you wanna do is talk to your friends. FOXO

Good morning to everyone that takes their coffee black. Everyone else, bad morning

Why do you groom your own dog? Why don’t you just take him to the groomers?

I’m driving over four hours today because something went wrong on one of my projects two hours away. Instead of chewing out a superintendent or foreman I’m going to help. Besides, it’s a beautiful day for a drive and I want this crew home with their families this weekend. Bosses

POLL TIME: Would you rather? 1. Sit in a conference room while ALL your Exes give a PowerPoint presentation on what they think about you to your family and/or friends. 2. Put a toothpick under your Big Toenail and kick a door as hard as you can

I wanted to take a few days break from posting and go touch grass but I couldn’t help myself when I came across this video. Is the cure to the male loneliness epidemic, drugs?

I have found a game where you are a little garden gnome and you have to terrorize this guys house and clog his toilets and stuff

This poor puppy dawg got hit by a car, he's only 7 months old. We are looking for help to fund his surgery. Poor guy has barely experienced any life yet. Consider donating, even $5 helps. I put $100 on it, and it doesn't look like they're too far off from the goal

Test test

I got a call from my Academic Advisor this morning and was asked if I was interested in doing the graduation walk. My immediate answer was no. I have no interest. Did you guys do your graduation walk and if you did is it like a key moment in life that I don't want to miss?

I’m still in bed and there’s birds chirping outside my window. I’ll soak it in for a few more mins

I'm so throttled you'd think I was an enemy of the State. When in fact my only crime is being too handsome and charming

I present the pinnacle of all pies. The absolute. The Truth. The Alpha and the Omega. The Pecan Pie. This is not a discussion. This is not a debate.

If you think Social Credit Score is a stupid idea then thinking less of someone because of a small X account should be a stupid idea too. It could disappear tomorrow and I wonder how many people would spiral because they've lost their imaginary status

It's that Sunday night feeling where you know bedtime is soon and the early Monday morning full of bullshit is swiftly approaching.