It’s like making a big old pot of coffee when you ain’t got no cream

For the record I’ve scored just as many touchdowns in the NFL as Taylor Swift has

Bruh 😂🤣🤣

Last day of work this year got me like

Time is the thief I’ll never catch.

90’s Alt-Grunge to stomp my way through another Monday on this level🫰🏾

Balance & Reciprocation ⚖️🗡️

If you’re reading this, it’s 2024 and we still don’t have lazer beams mounted on sharks.

Call me Paul cuz I’m about to eat Atreides cookies

I hope Them Crooked Vultures get back together and tour again someday.

Why tell a dead man the future

Piss Jug Jr

Straight talkin’ that shit for 15 years #MyTwitterAnniversary

take that atheist

yes

Siempre hay más elotes cuando hay menos burros

LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLEEE IT’S FUCKING GAMEDAY‼️‼️

It’s 2005. The house is dead quiet, everyone’s asleep… no school tomorrow. That 25-inch Zenith TV is the only thing lighting up the room and then this banger comes on. Pure nostalgia.

You ain’t really in the field, you just tweet a lot