Dear food: Stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Of course my clothes are on the floor. That is where I hang them.

I was going to do that, but then you told me to.

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

I believe in second chances, I just don't think everyone deserves them...

Somedays, I wish I had more middle fingers.

Take a second look at these logo fails, I'm laughing so hard goo.gl/YsG9rc - sp

things that are enjoyable: • showers things that are not enjoyable: • getting in the shower • getting out of the shower

If you watch Titanic backwards, it's a heart warming tale of a ship that jumps out of the water and saves lots of drowning people.

Every night, it's an endless battle between sleep and the internet.

Just because two people fight doesn’t mean they don’t love each other, and just because two people don’t fight, doesn’t mean they do.