Military standard language: SNAFU and FUBAR.

Learning to speak Russian can’t be difficult . . . all the little Russian kids speak it.

Paint hides a multitude of sins.

In theory, there’s no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is.

Grandpa used to say, a bumble bee is considerably faster than a tractor.

Meanness don’t just happen overnight.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest by accident.

Chuck Norris can squeeze a lemon and make orange juice.

If Chuck Norris were on The Titanic, the iceberg would have dodged the ship.

Chuck Norris avenged the avengers.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris has a diary called the Guinness Book Of World Records.

Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees. He pulls them down and walks on top of them.

Chuck Norris didn't cheat death; he won fairly and squarely.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris once went to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life.

Chuck Norris' wife always immediately tells him why she's angry.

Chuck Norris doesn't get blisters when he rows. The Oar does.