It’s 2025 and the 3 wise men are on the way bearing gifts: Vapes, Ozempic and Torres Black Truffle. #GoldCrackers

Had we stayed remote post-pandemic, there’d be no affairs at Coldplay.

The new White Lotus will be set in France. Can Emily in Paris be the one who dies at the end, pls?

Welcome to the weekend: the only time when lunch isn’t a £3.50 meal deal.

Wild that litres of water are wasted just to churn out ChatGPT LinkedIn posts.

Monday gets all the credit, but Tuesday is the hardest. Tuesday is the under-recognised b*tch.

Removing the Banksy made it look even more Banksy

The UK trying to leave the UK

I consider myself a normal girl, but according to the Tesco lasagna I just ate I’m also a family of 4.

These Freud pins are 🔥

I thought Melania was Diana’s ghost

Coldplay needs to catch another cheating couple so the world can return to harmony.

Taking 2 Tylenols with a glass of wine to cope with the news today.

The endless chatter about AI is more harmful than AI itself 🙄

‘Whatever makes you happy’ is just the global mum dialect for ‘you’re about to f*ck your entire life up.’

The anxiety leaving my body as soon as the London Eye turns purple tomorrow:

Stealing from the Louvre is robbery. Stealing from the British museum is what? Re-robbery?

You can’t burnout if you don’t have a spark

Overheard in McDonald’s: “A paper straw is like the opposite of a d*ck - the more you suck, the softer it gets.”

If Louvre’s password is “Louvre”, then the British Museum’s must be “loot”