Had to use a lift earlier today... Schindler s lift.

BREAKING: Donald Trump is losing his mind. At his rally he just said Joe Biden defeated Barack Obama. Retweet so all Americans see Trump is going senile.

The other day I locked my keys in my car. My friend was with me and he opened the door just by rubbing his leg against it. Luckily he was wearing his khaki trousers...

've invested heavily in a new business raising beef cattle on marijuana instead of grass. The steaks are high.

I saw an episode of Scooby-Doo, where the bad guy was foiled by the gang while they were on a diet based on the consumption of fish and shellfish, excluding all land-based meats. He would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for those peskytarians. ...I'll get my coat.

Are you listening, Jim? youtube.com/watch?v=9gfEg5…

Happy 81st Birthday to the third tallest member of Monty Python, Mr Eric Idle! "There was a time when we were almost universally hated by large sections of society. Now that we are the cuddly old farts of comedy, I rather miss the hatred."

I remember seeing this year's ago and I laughed for days afterwards.

What do you call a search engine that responds with particularly aggressive, completely over-the-top solutions to any problem? NetanYahoo

.James Martin How can you associate yourself with these people... I think it might be an issue.

.James Martin I used to like your show until I discovered you support fox hunting.

The William Wragg case becomes more curious 🔹he gave ministers and MPs numbers to "Charlie" who he met on Grindr 🔹"Charlie" told a number of MPs that he had been an intern in Wragg's office in Westminster 🔹when asked by some MPs, Wragg lied and said that "Charlie" had been

How does the Israeli Prime Minister check his emails? The net, on Yahoo

#LBC people seek abortions for a wide variety of reasons. Some for life threatening conditions, family problems, rape, incest and more. In my experience the protesters have no idea why people are there. They may mean well but they cause pain for people already in a dark place.

This is very concerning development. One to watch to ensure this doesn't impact on Middlesbrough and Thornaby stations. Cc Spock of Thornaby🖖 sunderlandecho.com/news/transport…

Anarak-naphobia. Fear of trainspotters.

Awwww go on the, just a small one... The smallest bar in Wales

.clive merrison lrm listening to you on 4xtra in the Case of the dancing Men. Genius

What's got eight wheels and flies? A bin lorry.

Czech businessman trying to buy into the post office. It could be said the Czech's in the post.