Her: you better not be out there entertaining these h**s Me out there:

Get over here they are milking the mall again

"how did you two meet?" he saved me from being burned at the stake in 1612 & i vowed to find him in every lifetime

people will be scared of love and I’m like dude the world is ending

do you like women who struggle with alcoholism

Welp it happened finally someone respectable asked me out on a proper date it’s like those cicadas that only come out every once in awhile and it’s like ewwww

Watched a girl with a long ass set on 💅 open her energy drink with the lid of her hairspray and fell in love

Xanax

A proper country

I spy a ping pong paddle

I don’t have anything left to give up for Lent

I got asked to play bass in a band and they wouldn’t let me say no so now I’m playing bass in a band smh

People seem to be really going through some shit, not me though I’m fine

Men love them some steel drums

still thinking about the jewel osco dress

Portland: rude to assume, also rude to ask

I knew this girl who named her daughter Dazzle and I was always planning on circling back

Saw this and thought damn that would work in my hair but what, what are they called?