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Do not even try talking to me until at least an hour after I wake up. Not. A. Morning. Person.

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I like open minded people.

That awkward moment when no one else is laughing, except for you and you can’t stop.

me: *sighs every 4 seconds*

I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to tell you how I really feel.

Thinking you did an amazing job on the test..... then getting a horrible grade back.

I can't fucking stand hypocrites.

I have a date tonight, with my bed. We're totally gonna sleep together.

ellen degeneres for president of the world

I woke up with you on my mind.

I love those conversations where I don't have to think, everything just flows out.

H.O.E = Hands On Experience

Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.

wifi wifl wilf wlif lifw life

My attitude changes in 5 seconds flat. From sweetheart to bitch. So I suggest you don't test that.

That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn’t open for you

You're annoying, and I hate you.

What's that thing called when your crush likes you back? Oh yeah. Imagination.