Every morning Luna demands I crank Al Yankovic tunes on the drive to school. She'll ask me if each song is a parody or what it's a parody of. Today... I realized... no on will ever make a parody of a Weird Al song... 🤔

My kid blocks my way up the stairs saying, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” Thinking it funny that she’s never even seen #LOTR… I say, “Are you allowed to use quotes from movies you haven’t seen?” She rolls her eyes and says, “I’ve seen #HarryPotter!”

I just watched the latest #Matrix trailer and it occurred to me that nobody IN or FROM the Matrix ever refers to family members. Neo never says “Wait! I gotta go back in to unplug my mom!”

What is “The Reflex”? A) Spontaneously catching a ball someone unexpectedly tossed at you B) A lonely child, who’s waiting by the park

So I snuck a pack of Skittles from Luna’s Halloween haul an noticed the year on the package was from… 2015 😦

I got a bone in my #sushi last night. A bone. When have any of you ever gotten a bone in your sushi? 🍣

I just replaced the lightbulbs in my bathroom. They’ve been going out this year. I think they were over 30 years old. One still works.

In Tom and Jerry cartoons they always make it look so cozy to be a mouse living in a #mouse hole. Jerry’s got furniture made out of spools and matchboxes and stuff. But they neglect to show the dark side… that there’s a lot of piss and shit in there as well. #Mice suck. 😜

I’d like to believe that Luna came up with this joke herself because it’s so good… “If I was a lawyer, I’d say ‘Killersaywhat?’“

I’m sad to say my daughter has a drinking problem. I can’t give her orange juice in the morning without her spilling it all over her shirt. 🤨

Luna: “If our butts we’re horizontal, and we went down a slide, it would go ‘PuhPuhPuhPuhPuh’”

You know how in movies someone calls someone else “feckless”? (Nobody uses that word in real life). I was just wondering: Is there an opposite to that? Can you be feckful? In full effeck?

2 grades ago, my kid got in trouble for saying “666” in class. She didn’t know what it meant. Just heard about it randomly on youtube. Today… one of the problems in her homework was to write “six hundred and sixty six” in number form. 🤔

So I put myself in suspended animation to see the future a couple months later. When I was thawed out, the price of a box of cereal had shot up to $7.50.

I was just having a daddy-daughter night out. Took her to the Pac Man restaurant. Turns out #pinballexpo22 is happening here tonight. I got a pic with “Flippie”

I’ve seen “Moana” many times because my daughter likes it. As it was on today, I just realized that Moana’s entire adventure could have all been in her head. No one, besides her, ever saw any of the fantastical stuff. #moana #disney

Today’s music has been brought to you by the letter “L”. Driving my 8-yr-old to a birthday party, I indoctrinated her to #LivingColour and #LennyKravitz.