And I've been hurting myself to keep you from leaving

when i am sad, oh god i'm sad, but when i'm happy, i am happy.

i go to bed. i am consumed by overwhelming loneliness. i stare at the ceiling. i long for something i can’t name. i question if i’m real. i see a funny little meme on my phone and laugh hysterically for several minutes. i get too invested in an unrealistic fantasy

i’m chasing myself (i have been for years)

at the intersection of my cynicism and my romantic nature, there’s a desire to search for beauty but also an impulse to take repetitive beauty for granted. i never considered the reality that the sun can set thousands of different ways in a lifetime.

Nothing had changed. I was the stupid one again. I was the girl who didn't understand who she was to people.

spring will be here soon. spring， the season i met you， is coming. a spring without you... is coming.

i loved you as icarus loved the sun -- too close, too much

stop why are you leaving why why why why why you promsied. YOU PROMISED.

i confuse people. i have a happy personality and a sad soul. i'm bold but shy. i love deeply but sometimes i feel heartless. i'm healing and hurting at the same time. i'm dedicated to growth, but i self sabotage

And I don't wanna cry But I need you here 'cause I'm a mess

to bleed this sickness out on bathroom tile.

intelligence is a burden: the more you know, the more cynical you become.

i love you. ( i want to save you. )

Get up, get dressed, and give your time to the people looking for your help. Not the ones so invested in running away.

i think this time i died.

go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. nevermind please don't go away.

you are a better knife than a person.

why did i let you do that? better: why did you want to do that to me?