RIP nicholas brendon. The vax is really killing people. Grrr argh! 💔

"Is your dog friendly?" "He's dark woke"

RIP robert mueller. he either did or did not do something, which was the whole thing. it’s honestly tough to recall the specifics at this point.

🫵 I GOT WORK TOMORROW

My based son shat his pants to upset the pretentious waiters at this steakhouse. He’s 37 years old and runs a tech startup

Ooooh I run a restaurant and I think I want all of my prospective waiters and chefs to write a cover letter because five seconds before I wrote this job posting I suffered a traumatic brain injury that makes me unable to think anymore

The Cornish National Liberation Army only has to be lucky once - Jamie Oliver and Rick Stein will have to be lucky always.

i think its okay that chappell roan killed a small child

Not a big fan of Chappell Roan’s music, but I am a big fan of her as a person

She’s a diva you should be rubbing her nose in it for gods sake! Give the weepy Twitter lesbian shit a rest it’s baller that she got her security to rough up a child you should be telling everyone it’s cool and that they’re jealous of her

#noooticing

Ian Rush: *picks a ball out of a bag* Number 28 Voice offscreen: ...will face Jorginho (Onscreen graphic is updated to show "Chappell Roan vs Jorginho" underneath "Moby vs The Kinks")

Best post of all time?