if you eat fries with a fork you are a sociopath

try to say "bubble wrap" in an angry tone

why clocks dont tock tick?

if you yell i love taxes in public, does it summon an accountant?

wake up. scroll. hate everything. repeat. what the fuck is the point

if someone annoys you, just say im allergic to bullshit and walk away

people who say "money cant buy happiness" have never paid someone to leave them the fuck alone

my credit score is a horror story and my love life is a comedy, at least im entertaining

i have pretended to be on the phone to avoid small talk more times than i have brushed my teeth this week

why the fuck am i paying bills in a simulation

if you chew with your mouth open i WILL assign you evil intentions

hello world

favorite meal?

me pretending to understand bitcoin like its not just wizard money

2025 resolutions: 1) lie more 2) fake my death

my cat judges me harder than my probation officer

my personality is 90% expired coupons and 10% false confidence

life hack: cry in the shower so you cant tell if its tears or water

my personality is copyrighted by my sleep deprivation

id apologize for being weird but im secretly proud 🤪