The universe gets much easier to understand when you start accepting that everything is wiggles.

gm

A Gingerale will cure ailments of the body and a Dr Pepper, ailments of the mind and spirit.

hi squidward Sydney Oberg

It sucks you can’t google something happening in your life. What does my neighbor Derek do for work

my 5 year plan is to not lose all of my marbles

the dmv be like you forgot to bring the declaration of independence

i be like “long story short” then tell it with behind the scenes bonus features

Is there a reason for penguins. Or more just like a treat for us type thing

yeah we’re a couple. a couple of silly gooses

you call it overthinking, i call it predicting the future

I need the entire airport security staff to be obsessed with how swift and low maintenance I am

Mambos No. 1 - 4 were tragically lost in the destruction of the Great Library of Alexandria

“Don’t ask friends for help moving as an adult” “don’t ask friends to do a potluck as an adult” you can literally ask me to hold your hand at the dentist and I will do it

if i could be permanently ratatouilled i would. just relinquish all control. let the rat do it. im done

love using “and/or” in spoken convo like ok there is a complicated communicative situation but i’m handling it via my amazing linguistic tools

The Atlanta Braves play regular-season baseball 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙝 🙌

First MLB player with 50 stolen bases in a season since 2017. It's July 29.