Drove back to London from a couple of nights away yesterday with an open, half-empty bottle of red wine propped up on the back seat and I was driving like I was in a middle-class reboot of the Wages of Fear

🎥 Save The Prince Charles Cinema! This iconic London cinema is at risk of closing due to unfair rent demands. Sign the petition to protect its future #SaveThePCC you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/save… via 38 Degrees

Whoever wins, we lose

“I don’t know Ed, it’s good and I love the ‘Nevermore’ stuff but it’s not that spooky at the moment.” *Edgar Allen Poe crumpling up a draft of his poem ‘The Ostrich’* “Fine. Maybe a bigger bird?”

It’s been a while now since I left my job to try writing more, and I think the project I’m most proud of developing so far in that time is a deep and interesting drinking problem

Doesn’t feel like a coincidence that Elon’s stupid fucking AI is immediately offering something that looks a lot like a challenge!

Maybe blowing this out of proportion but it’s so sad and scary that there’s just this accepted facet of modern living where reaching out for connection in a completely normal way can result in someone you trust throwing you to the online wolves with a ‘look at this fucking loser’

A man next to me on my flight yesterday watched at least 8 back to back episodes of Brooklyn 99 and he didn’t laugh once. Nary a chuckle. Not even a light smirk. Just stone-faced watching hours of a TV show that he’d downloaded in advance and presumably enjoyed.

It’s ELAINE STRETCH! The Broadway Grand Dame who’s also the ELASTIC SMASH HIT toy! Posable DIVA! Comes with 15 CATCHPHRASES! 🎵Here’s to the ladies who PUNCH!🎵

Dickheads When It’s Sunny and Over 10 Degrees Outside #TikTok vm.tiktok.com/ZNd2TfBkB/

Taking them out forever by hitting them with a ‘passing the phone to an insufferable out of touch cunt with negative levels of self-awareness’ and they get caught in an endless feedback loop

*Spanish Movie Set* “Where’s the production designer?” “Yeah, Where’s the production designer”

When you accidentally birth twin Mick Hucknalls

This is literally just the same joke as the original post. Why am I still on this braindead rage-inducing app. Life doesn’t have to be like this

Not horrified enough to actually do shit about it, are you? You’re an accomplice. There’s so much blood on your hands.

Mr Muscle 🤝 A Perfectionist Dutch Cobbler

Just got around to listening to Jamie Lee Curtis’ WTF interview, and what a complete fucking narcissist loser she is. Crying crocodile tears over Charlie fucking Kirk because he was a ‘devout man of faith’. Peak spineless liberalism

Everyone sucks here! Kuenssberg’s a joke as any Brit knows but Harris has incredibly thin skin and immediately condescends/sneers at the idea that she might be REMOTELY culpable for fucking up a layup election and contributing to the planet’s decline in the process

Cleaning Tip: pick up every item around your house once per day and it’ll never accumulate dust!

Hamnet Snack Tie-In