chocolates pronouns are ‘her/shey’.

R.I.P. 2025 (2025 - 2025)

getting a tattoo in the dead middle of 100 days of burpees challenge: me - ‘is it okay to get this today and do 43 burpees tomorrow by midnight?’ tattoo artist - ‘show me a burpee’ *does a burpee in front of everyone in the waiting room* tattoo artist - ‘now give me 30 more’

*in front of entire crossfit class* coach - THIS is the guy you want to talk about Heated Rivalry with!!! me - hell yeah. classmate - it’s the greatest love story. other classmate - is it a reality show??? me - IT COULD BE. who wants me. who wants to build something cinematic.

Border Patrol officers arrived at a Minneapolis high school while students were leaving and tackled, sprayed chemical irritants, and handcuffed parents and teachers. Public high schools in Minneapolis have canceled classes for the rest of the week following the incident.

can’t stop thinking about a friend telling me her family uses a blocker called ‘VidAngel’ to censor any cursing, sex, drinking or homosexuality out of media they watch. is VidAngel not the most erotic name you’ve ever heard!?!? i’m so, so positive i have watched porn on VidAngel.

what idiot decided to call them gray sweatpants and not long john silvers???????

SET VENUS EBONY STARR WILLIAMS. #AusOpen

oh you went beast MODE well i got news for you brother i took AP Statistics in high school so i can go beast MEAN and god help us all if i’m ever anywhere CLOSE to beast MEDIAN.

therapy really is just working it out on the remix.

it has taken six strategic hours spread out over the course of three years, a lot of intentional questions and very active listening but i can finally say that i understand why my dental hygienist’s marriage is failing.

for it to be dry january the nashville weather sure is ordering a lot of shit on the rocks.

lady gaga did so much for canes this year. they were on their way out. now they’re a young man’s game!!! #GRAMMYs

Substack implies the existence of a Domstack.

tonight at improv we had to do object work and scene setting and our teacher told the most type a man you can imagine ‘your scene is a tattoo parlor’ and he immediately held out his hand like he was waiting for a movie ticket at the box office and said ‘one tattoo please’.

we live in concert ticketing hell. HOW does a hilary duff show that is ONLY available through AXS for ticketing have RESALE tickets on the official Ticketmaster date (which just popped up!!?!?) WHILE the general onsale is still happening and everyone is stuck in the queue!?!?

to the man flying down gallatin road in madison, windows down, blasting cher’s DJ Play a Christmas Song on February 26 at 10:39pm…you know what fuck yeah.

hearing someone on facebook specifically say ‘you got this mama bear’ would go a long way for me right now.

so i show up to Kohl’s, fully prepped and cleaned out, ass COMPLETELY exposed in my hospital gown only to be told they’re no longer or have never offered Kohlonoscopies!?!? years of kohls cash hoarding and FOR WHAT.

ever walk into the gym and your coach says ‘are you following the calorie plan for training, your face looks thin?’ and you immediately say ‘yeah but ass still fat’ and give it a smack only to find a six year old boy DIRECTLY behind you as you watch the light leaves his eyes.