Gaston? Smash, but I’d never tell a soul.

I made some bad decisions on Grindr, but none of them involved a wire transfer.

I don’t trust anybody that writes a paragraph on their Instagram on Valentine’s Day.

Why do white men have this urge to scream in music? You need to go to therapy.

We’re doing some mental and emotional shaving our chocha.

These songs have me on this bike auditioning for the local strip club.

The Spice Girls were giving you Burning Man before there was Burning Man.

If there’s a cash bar, don’t invite me. You are not in a place in your life to be hosting this function.

Don’t wear flip flops in New York City. It’s disgusting. You don’t love yourself.

It’s summer, it’s time to let the ho out. It’s time to let the side titty out. It’s time to let the ass be assin’.

These five gentlemen composed a song to sing to you [called Liquid Dreams.]

The way that a Toaster Strudel completely destroys a Pop Tart.

Are we allowed to eat sea bass?

Sorry turtles, the plastic straw is not functioning.

When she says rock the boat, she is not talking about a maritime vehicle.

All of y’all that have a Tweety Bird tattoo regret that decision.

For someone who’s pretty dumb, that was pretty good alliteration and also all beginning with the letter F.

If Britney Spears can be forced to do a Vegas residency and survive then you can do this workout. -Cody Rigsby Facts

You’re gonna get on an eggshell white couch, and you’re just gonna feel warm, safe, listening to Celine Dion. . . We’re going from mom night in to let’s be a ho.

Getting engaged at a child’s rat casino is better than a Valentine’s Day proposal.