I heard for black friday this year, we need to line up at the docks at 4AM...

I don't mind that he's sleeping. It's when he wakes up that I'm worried about

Did you know that the inventor of the ferris wheel never met the creator of the merry go round?.... They traveled in different circles

I just spent $100 on the belt and it didn't fit... Talk about a huge waist

You ever misspelled a word so bad autocorrect don't even help you out.

Winter so far, was like ordering an iced latte and getting a hot coffee that's luke warm.

I apologize for this long letter - I didn't have time to write a shorter one.

“I don’t understand how Jeff Bezos is richer than the person who sells receipt paper to CVS

One minute you are young and fun. The next, you're turning down the car stereo to see better.

Do you know why birds sing in the morning? Cuz they don't have to go to work...

My recliner and I go way back.

My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch it might be me.

How did people survive 150 years ago without air-conditioning? They are טאקא not here anymore

Gas prices are so high even Tom Brady has to go back to work.

What do you call your second coffee? Hakafa beis.

I went to the pizza shop and ordered two large fries, but the guy just gave me a hundred tiny ones.

What did the uneducated chussid say to the educated professor? Rent is due on the first.

The adjective for metal is mettalic but not so for iron, which is ironic

Yeshiva week: also known as bring ur child to work week 🤦🏼‍♂️