You had a small town with a giant red dog. What the fuck did you think was going to happen?

Them: anything else? Me: matter of fact, let me get a roll of quarters

Fair and worthy knight! Take this carhartt beanie as a token of my appreciation for your heroic deed

The masses need to reclaim tiki torches from white supremacists

Smoke whatever you need to navigate this beclouded and tempestuous existence

Blue Man Group needs to be canceled for doing blue face

There are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades happen and then there are days when something really funny happens

Pretty crazy how your brain just sits up there telling your body what to do

So fucked up that my professor gave me an extension to turn in a paper that I “feel good about”

I’m going to miss having a president who admitted that he didn’t care about poor or working people

“The honorable Amy Klobuchar”

I hate when someone gives me white male rage

I love the foot race between train platforms where people can flex how late to work they are

I wonder if Daft Punk ever had sex without their helmets

The day history ended

This segment is brought to you by the USA’s steadfast commitment to oppression around the world

Need to move that ship? I know a guy.

If your child isn’t a rescue what the fuck is wrong with you

Are there any recorded cases of immaculate contraction of an std?