Society started referring to moms as superheroes because it was easier to sit back and let us do everything while making it seem like a compliment rather than taking things off our plates, or actually stepping up and helping us.

i can’t carpe the diem right now, i’m too busy wuthering the heights.

Air-fried donuts are just donut shaped muffins. I’m not delusional. I won’t lie to myself and say they’re really good. If they were, they’d be deep fried.

My seasonal dysphoria consists of deciding I need fleece lined boots to warm my feet at the end of February when inventory is at the lowest.

I've reached the tipping point. My recovery time after I exercise has exceeded the actual time spent exercising. It's the event horizon of old age.

When I read "contains bioengineered food ingredients," I automatically think , soylent green. But that's just me, I guess. 🤢

My superpower is creating a fully functioning vacuum cleaner from the parts of two separate dead vacuum cleaners. I am the Frankenstein of vacuums. "IT'S ALIVE!"

Baking tip 101: Allow extra chocolate chips when making cookie dough to account for natural attrition.* *and by attrition, I mean the cookie tax (for snacking.)

Well, this does not bode well. My pumpkin bread is overflowing like Mt. Vesuvius. The good news is that I put a tray under to bake it. The bad news is the overflow will be as hard a lava.

Moms see everything 😂

Posts that end in "show more," yet neglect to do so are "show offs!"

I thought Girl Scouts was about teaching girls life skills, but there's a math error right on the box of Girl Scouts cookies where it says a serving size is four cookies.

It blows my mind that some people don’t like pizza. It’s mostly just carbs and cheese, and you can eat it with your hands. The perfect food. I don’t know who these people are, but I bet they also hate babies, puppies and kittens. And happiness.

Breaking: Police in Chicago have confirmed that the man who tragically fell from the roof of an 18th floor nightclub was not a bouncer.

Thats the perfect Father and Son Partnership 😎😂

Today I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me… who forget to separate the reds from the whites in the laundry.

In order not to disturb the delicate apparatus of the space/time continuum, I will NOT be springing forward out of this chair again today. You're welcome, Daylight savings time.

I'm wondering if the Industrial Revolution never occured, what would a Tesla stagecoach look like?

Thanks, Elon! I've finally found X, no thanks to you, algebra!