Here's my cover of the commercial for the DVD box set of China Beach

That feel when you need to pee but your roommate is in the bathroom

For you I am 😘

I love my roommate but I have a hard-on and wanna masturbate and he's just on the other bed on his phone

I want to italicize some words. But I can't. That's a funny function that has been lost on all the messaging apps

Did you hear they're putting a restaurant on the moon? They say the food's pretty good but the atmosphere is terrible

the most embarrassing thing about me is i had a dream me and pedro pascal kissed and in the dream i was like “this is so right, it is correct that he wants me”

If you see a bald eagle on top of a church, that's how you know it's a bird of pray

The screens are nicer than the walls

Me when a hot and caring guy asks to be my boyfriend

Having a bed is bad for me because it's just another temptation. I should be more productive

Virginia Woolf has gone woke

Yeah I'm going to delete Twitter love y'all.

Thinking about Maritza the cactus squishmallow's original bio implying that immigrant squishmallows face discrimination from bigoted squishmallows, before they edited it to be about her playing soccer

abusing stimulants in solidarity with our elected officials

I'm much more likable but far less interesting when there’s is no risk of having sex with me.

björk versatility really goes unmatched because what do you mean she released these three albums of completely different genres (jazz, alt rock, pop) WITHIN THREE YEARS and they’re all fantastic 😭

the only acceptable response

'I never thought leopards would eat MY face,' sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People's Faces Party.