When are you going to do a real track and field fight?

I should just pull all my teeth out and sip soup for the rest of my life… brushing teeth is boring.

I used all my horse skills and strength but I could not stop him..

(If they aren't stuffed animals? What do you call them Joel?) ....................... I CALL THEM IMAGINATION FRIENDS!

Buddha is fat because all his brain power goes to his stomach.

Perfect camping trip: I'm in a tent with doughnuts and playing iPad... And David is hitting himself.

I don't know why, but for some reason the milk tastes extra good today.

You know what's the question of the year: did old MacDonald actually have a farm?

I'm smart and dumb. I'm not a genius. I'm kinda crazy. And I'm cool.

Oh! He said "bitch"

I think in the end the bathrobe was actually my favorite Christmas gift.

I've stapled my finger before so I know what it feels like.

Nooo help ME! I'm a kid.

*yelling at the universe* PABLO! PABLO! PABlo MIRAME! PABLO!

It doesn't even make sense that the light bulb has a light in it! I mean.. that the lamppost has a light in it! Can YOU explain it to me!?

Doctor! Doctor! Nobody ever listens to me! NEXT!!!

Oh yeah, Trump will stand up for working people. 7 of his 13 top economic aids are Wall Street bankers. Just what the country needs more of.

Don't worry, the cup was empty. Everything in life is empty.