Barista: I like tattoos, but I don't believe in them. I feel the same about baristas saving up for college.

Since "Doritos" includes the diminutive suffix "-ito," doesn't that imply the existence of a much larger chip? Consider this my notice, i intend to devote the remainder of my life to finding this mythic ur-chip, the alpha and omega of salty snacks, the Doro.

Happy Adoption Day to our big house panther Hunter Kennedy. A few happy tears may have been shed today by our adoption manager as she said goodbye. Congratulations to Hunter and his new person Jana! #purrfectpals #everycatmatters

We think our FIV+ felines are PURRFECT! Do you have a FIV+ cat in your home? #purrfectpals #everycatmatters

Cauliflower pizza crust is proof that you can be any thing you can dream of being, as long as you don't care if you let everyone else down

Her: Want that in a wrap? My anaconda: no.

Sandy Little Socks has left the building! After almost two years of waiting, Sandy finally has a place to call home! #purrfectpals #everycatmatters

If litter is your bag, won't you chip in? The cats and kittens of Puget Sound and their caregivers would appreciate it so much! There is no greater gift we can give our cats than a happy & healthy environment to thrive in! #purrfectpals #everycatmatters purrfectpals.networkforgood.com/projects/81118…

The enemy of my enemy is my friend, unless they don't dance because if they don't dance then they ain't no friend of mine.

Actually, the only test i'm really qualified to take is a drug test, so yeah Karen... i highly doubt that i failed.

Rudolph is the best Christmas story about a bunch of bigots who are only cool when they need their victim's help.

Mr. Peanut spent his entire life as grinning face of a company that sold the boiled, roasted, and salted corpses of his people as a snack. History will be his judge

Since isolation it feels like someone has slowly placed my body in landscape mode.

Science deniers of Krypton didn't believe their world was ending even as it burned around them and I find that hard to believ... Oh.

"no" - the rock's family when asked if they could smell what he was cooking, because they all got covid-19 from a family friend.

If Bear Grylls married Chuck E. Cheese they would be the Grylls-Cheese family. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

Me: I like that song, I'm going to play it again Spotify: the fuck you will

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It's Limelight Day and the team is headed to Purrfect Pals to meet one of their adorable cats! We aren't kitten around when we say we are excited. 😅

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