Case Keenum is still winning football games.

Baseball games will be played this month. Go Astros. Oh, and because a high school friend’s son is on the team … Go UNO Mavericks! (Also my alma mater.)

Sir Pickles says goodnight.

The fans: ... MLB: We're going to fix baseball. The fans: OK, how? MLB: Bigger bases, pitch clock, limit pickoff moves, etc. The fans: That's your fix? MLB: Yes. The fans: Can you fire Angel Hernandez? MLB: ... The fans: Dude? MLB: ...

So, if #ShoheiOhtani’s former interpreter isn’t in jail for swindling millions of dollars, then Ohtani absolutely bet on baseball. (Dude, you swindle $20 from me, I’m pressing charges.) And Ohtani should be banned for life like Pete Rose. Period. Los Angeles Dodgers #Dodgers

OK, Houston Astros fans. Whoever showed up at MMP tonight who wasn’t at any of the Yankees games needs to get a ticket to every home game. Your mojo is working. Todd Kalas Blummer Bock Julia Morales.

Every day I work hard to be flawless. Do I make mistakes? Sure, but it's rare. But #AngelHernandez still has a job, so maybe I'm just trying too hard. Hey, MLB, fire the ump.

I don’t do a lot of retweeting, but I’ll make an exception here.

Me: Got work to do. My computer: Time to do a decade’s worth of maintenance. Don’t touch anything.

The Houston Astros must DFA Jose Abreu right now. Don't even wait for the game to end. He can't hit. He can't field. His error just cost the Astros a run. I'm 100% sure he won't make it up with his bat. And, yes, the base hit would have scored the run anyway. But that's not the point.

Hey Elon Musk how do I get rid of this annoying thing with people talking at the top of my feed?

Holy cow Loperfido and Cabbage. That’s some Defense Houston Astros.

Pitted a couple of pounds of cherries. Two kinds. Making cherry pie filling. About 8 cups of cherries. 2 cups of sugar mixed with half a cup corn starch. 1 tablespoon Amaretto. NO WATER.

Hey Julia Morales and Todd Kalas and Blummer Bock can we start a petition to get Pedro Leon in the lineup? I say we start a #VoteForPedro campaign. Houston Astros fans, let's get this started.

Rob Manfred is trying to do more damage to MLB than Pete Rose ever did. Someone please PLEASE ban him from baseball. Now!

#NewProfilePic

#NewProfilePic

This is how you end a chapter: For a moment or two, nothing happened. Then, as three of the guardsmen turned to look out into the woods, Wyn’s fingers let loose her bowstring, and chaos began. #WritingCommunity

Good morning.

Come on Blue Jays, end this now.