Trump told his rally, "I hate Democrats. I really do." Even after his bill passed he's obsessed. Because he knows being a Republican is no one's first choice

Trump claims he didn't know the term "shylock" is antisemitic. As a Jew I prefer: "Theatergoer" "College graduate" "Communist homosexual" "Husband material" "Trump hater"

This is Rachel Zegler in Evita and also any New York apartment dweller when there's too much street noise

During a shameless photo op at a children's hospital, Melania told the kids, "This is my heart. It's made of stone. That's how you land a rich man and seal the deal. Am I understood?"

On the 4th let's remember the Bowling Green Massacre, Trump's fake bone spurs, Melania's bogus visa, Ivanka lifting one cardboard box at a food bank, the Trump kids' fraudulent charities, Jim Jordan ignoring sex abuse and so many Repub milestones

Repub Andres Bauer is challenging Lindsey Graham for his senate seat. They could also play Roger DeBris and Carmen Ghia in the Producers

The immigrants whose families are being deported and the rural MAGAs whose hospitals are closing still insist "Trump knows what he's doing." Thoughts, prayers and hysterical laughter

"I'm not your friend I'm your mother and I've told you: no JEWS in this house. They're fine as accountants and people who can't get into frats, but what don't you understand about my little gold cross? Jesus died for MY sins not someone with a library card"

RIP Richard Greenberg, a great American playwright. His work included the award-winning TAKE ME OUT and the superb THREE DAYS OF RAIN. He wrote about everyone from Major League baseball players to upper crust New Yorkers, always with wit and compassion. A major loss

MAGA elites: - Refuse to take manufacturing jobs - Demand taxpayer-funded vouchers to send their kids to segregated schools - Want to outlaw abortions except for their underage girlfriends - Salute our military while physically attacking soldiers and police officers

Melania's dance is called: - The Defensive Attack Posture - The Don't You EVER Touch Me Mambo - The My Nails Aren't Dry Yet ChaCha - The I'm-Backing-Slowly-Away-From-You Slide - The Check Hasn't Cleared Bunny Hop

Scott Bessent says Trump's policies will bring "parallel prosperity" to "Wall Street and Main Street." When asked to locate Main Street, Bessent replied, "I believe it's somewhere near Poverty Avenue and Separate-But-Equal Boulevard. Just look for the unwashed people in rags"

The Oxford Dictionary now defines pathological lying as "Leavitt-tating"

Trump claimed there are "no wind turbines in China" when there are over 7000. He may have been thinking of that one wind turbine in Slovenia which was stolen

These are: - MAGAs at a wedding - Able-bodied people applying for Medicaid - Your neighbors as they're being arrested for their meth lab - The grifters who claim "our van broke down" - That couple claiming "we were here first" after they hear the words "free t-shirts"

Trump once promised "90 deals in 90 days" with zero results. Now he's sending out "maybe 12 letters on Monday." I just got a postcard addressed to Trade Deal Person, Guam, offering "everyone in your country a Trump keychain at 10% off retail"

Here's Katey Miller, who's married to Stephen Miller, and Karoline Leavitt. The theme of the party was Satan's Bridesmaids

Lara, the Dumbest Trump, trained with Pete Hegseth, the Drunkest Cabinet Member. Lara emphasized, "What our military needs most are matching t-shirts." Pete added, "And an open bar in every barracks"

MTG introduced a bill to make "weather modification" a felony. Including: - People using umbrellas - Fake snow under Xmas trees - Jewish space lasers causing money to fall from the skies - Lightning bolts constantly striking her when she lies

A new Republican car rental agency has been fully staffed