Excuse me, how far?

Finally remembered my complimentary United Lounge passes the one time in six years I actually fly somewhere. Please clap.

Scottie human??

23 forever.

Writing my last daycare check ever that includes a comma, and I might burst into tears of joy when I hand it over this morning.

Fighting back tears as I hand over the check while unconsciously singing “Alabama, Arkansas” under my breath to myself and cursing all of you fuckers when I realize that I’m doing that.

Micah Packers

“Matt Leinart, Football Star”

At a community Labor Day event with a cover band and they’re doing “You Oughta Know” which is funny enough as it is, but watching families walk by while the lead singer screeches about someone going down on someone in a theater is amazing.

Anybody else ever have their car stolen from in front of their house? Just me? Cool.

Davey Johnson was younger in this picture than I am today.

Car recovered after the assholes who took it crashed it. Might be totaled but at least I have some closure. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Congrats alex Kristin and all the Brewer fans on here

The perfect birthday present doesn’t exi—

there are other 1st ballot hall of famers in this lineup and it's boring when they come to bat

Some fun lip-reading there!

Okay there was one out. Nevertheless.

Somebody please GIF the Dave Roberts reaction

When you nut and she keep suckin