bitly.xaijo.com/mattie In a perfect world you'd be able to mark people as spam in real life.

I accidentally watched 2 minutes of golf and my pants turned plaid! shorturl.xaijo.com/michael

I hate when I'm trying to do shit and I have a wife shorturl.xaijo.com/allen

shorturl.xaijo.com/karina I sneezed real hard, and while I did not break any bones, I did sustain some tissue damage.

This guy clicking his pen in Starbucks just got stabbed when I stabbed him. tinyurl.bdsmgalls.net/carly

Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity. shorturl.xaijo.com/kathie

"It's not you, it's me. " - twins looking at family photos tinyurl.bdsmgalls.net/carlos

tinyurl.bdsmgalls.net/monique Ceilings were just ambitious walls.

Bats are just rats who had too much Red Bull. go.bdsmgalls.net/carissa

I do my best proofreading right after I hit send. fw.bdsmgalls.net/chrystal

fw2.bdsmgalls.net/esmeralda "HIV" is trending above "Grammys" because AIDS is better than the "music" that was nominated.

short.bdsmgalls.net/patti Just got a fancy new bathroom scale that tells you what percentage pizza you are.

go.tunblur.in/lester I keep a No. 2 pencil in my pocket just in case motherfuckers wanna test me.

Revenge is a dish best served with anchovies. Seriously, it hides the taste of cyanide sh0rturl.sh0rturl.ru/alba

tunblur.tunblur.in/corine Things you won't catch me saying: What a great fucking meeting!

bl0ger.bl0ger.in/mattie Spent most of my early twenties trying to open a pistachio.

bl0ggy.bl0ggy.in/hattie Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?

0ffer.0ffer.in/aurelia Bitches be misusing helping verbs.

I recommend you chickens learn to talk. Nobody ever said let's go get a bucket of parrot. bl0ger.bl0ger.in/erin

gnail.gnail.in/lakeisha It's cute the way you ignore the red squiggly line under all of your words.