Nate Abshire will be here Thursday-Saturday‼️ Featuring Andrew Yang. M/C Ellie Snyder 🍻 #TikTok tiktok.com/t/ZT8CoQ7E3/

My New Year's Resolution is to stop walking up to locked doors with my arms just full of shit thinking it's gonna work out this time

*getting into a Saturn* Man they sure don't make them like this anymore!

How am I doing? Pretty good but whoo boy would I like to complain a lot about it

You know you're broke when the only tools you need for some vehicle maintenance are zip ties and a drill

I'm starting to feel like my "I'll get JFL eventually" plan might not work out

If Denver is such a foodie town, why doesn’t anybody want you to eat at their most recommended restaurant? We will see you in Minneapolis Acme Comedy Company 4/4-4/6 with Nate Abshire

Alright Twin Cities! Who’s comin out to see us at one of the best comedy clubs on the planet Acme Comedy Company with the hilarious Nate Abshire and wendymay next weekend?!!!! 4/4-4/6 Get Tix here! acmecomedy.seatengine.com/events/84339

If I ever have food ready on time, ask me a question that only the real me would know the answer to and palm a shiv real sneaky like.

Live your life with the confidence of a white woman telling a foreign Uber driver, "It's her birthday!"

What a blast yesterday! Thank you to Minnesota Twins for letting us throw out the first pitch and fight their mascot. Thank you to Acme Comedy Company for amazing sold out shows all weekend long with Nate Abshire and wendymay. #purejoy

A guy is about to try teaching cribbage to 3 strangers at a coffee shop and they have no clue what they are agreeing to

Finally a presidential campaign that raises some fuckin MONEY

Listen team, if the ol' razzle dazzle doesn't work ... I am quite honestly out of ideas

The Olympics? You mean the adventures of pistol man, rugby mommy and cheese girl? Yes I'm familiar

Saying someone with ADHD has poor "object permanence" is so weird like listen man the objects aren't permanent what the fuck do you want from me. The things that were in my hands are no longer in my hands and there are new things in my hands.

It's crazy how manageable a day job is when you're on actual amphetamines

At renfest with no costume and I love to yell at the steampunk cosplays "Hark! Another man out of time such as myself!"