I don't usually go in for box subscriptions... but, wine. Get $20 on me winc.com/hi/9c61aufq8n

Right now, what I really want out of life is an iPad that folds up into an IPhone and vice versa. #peaceonearth

And the World Cup winner is: x.com/stephenathome/…

I caaaaaaannnooot saaaaaavvvve

ALEXA BLEEPS OUT "DILDO" BUT NOT "BAG OF DICKS!" #realnews

#SpaceForce

Dead fish, birds, manatees, even a whale. Toll from worst red tide in decade grows. hrld.us/2LTesdd

Welcome to Miami-Dade’s Third World transit system. This is not the result of neglect. This was intentional sabotage and misappropriation of $1.5 billion of our money by Mayor Carlos A. Gimenez and the Miami-Dade Board of County Commissioners.

Make preparations Shutter your windows and doors Get Cafecito

Stand in line for gas Obviously, it runs out More Cafecito

Thank you Hurricane You have turned me into the Little girl from Signs

That is not a street. Right there, a channel marker. Miami River.

Well sure, "lots of Presidents didn't make calls" because the telephone wasn't invented or implemented yet. #wtftrump

Few things sour a fun night quicker than a bartender surreptitiously asking "Where did you find the black guy?" #wtf #miamibeach #racism

"When scientists say bears are going extinct, I want people to realize what it looks like," says photographer Paul Nicklen

Surprised to hear James May in the Frost Planetarium #somiami

#MyChristmasWishIn3Words A Job Please

The true meaning of the holiday season is making your Aunt messy cry.

I was going to instagram a photo of the bitchin' Shepard's Pie I made, but you can't photograph that dish and NOT have it look like barf. ☹️

I'm not saying listening to rap makes you a criminal but 100% of the people that bought the last Wu-Tang album have been sentenced to prison