White people forcing themselves to square dance: White people forcing themselves to make sourdough: “Gotta keep this culture alive”

Not surprising: Republicans hating what they don’t understand. Surprising: today those things are pronouns and democracy

“It’s not pink, it’s salmon” -me wearing pink

If you know a pregnant 10-year-old who has been denied the right to terminate her pregnancy, here are some comforting things you can say. bit.ly/3fcr0wL

Not gonna lie, I have some deep prejudice when it comes to certain names. What are you doing out here being named Alvin? Does it feel good saying “hi my name is Doug? “Nice to meet you, Howard” No it’s not.

Working with kids can be so trippy sometimes, my student asked me these questions in this order: “Do you like going to the park after your lessons?” “Can we play the LEGO ninjago song?” “There no security cameras in here huh?”

Reformed drug addict camp counselor: “naw, we gonna FIND Jesus” Me: [grabs flashlight]

MAGA people be like “such Democratic overreach and oppression!” then go on to describe routine functions of government.

Just realized the name Barbara is an anagram for Barbara, but also not because an anagram is supposed to make a different word. So wtf are you?

Me: “so what bands and artists do you like?’ My student who convinced their parents to shell out money for drum lessons so they can emulate their heroes: 🤷‍♂️

Prog rock players 🤝 Toddlers “I’m the best at counting”

“I’m gonna let my facial hair grow for a few days” -me transitioning into a sewer rat.

Show tunes: lyrics devoted to a singular idea or theme, dancers on wires, key-change in the last chorus, wardrobe change. My favorite show tune: Thong Song

I was just playing playing a song about farm animals with a 6 y/o student and we both went like “oohhhhhh” when it was revealed that the goats go “meh”

“Onomatopoeia” is the onomatopoeia of your brain misfiring when trying to spell onomatopoeia.

My favorite fact about Linnaeus, the father of classifying living things with fancy names, is that his name was Carl.

The experience: her eyes exuded warmth that could ease any lost soul, a presence that reminds one of the innocence of childhood. How I said it: I like your eyes

Some people seem to have forgotten how bad a president Trump was, so I made a list of the 100 Worst Things About the Trump Presidency, in no particular order. Please share and add anything I missed. 🧵

David Foster Wallace, this is it