white people LOVE to say "ooooh that's dangerous" after the first sip of a drink where you can barely taste the alcohol in it

looking at the amount of clean underwear i still have left in my suitcase and feeling proud that i didn’t piss myself every day on vacation like i guess i had planned to when i packed

My instagram targeted ad algorithm has been beyond locked in lately. Making these purchases out of pure respect for the technology 🫡

Yeah I’m intermittent fasting (have a stomach ache in the mornings from late night munchies)

You know Pen Griffey ?

Dream job is to be an actor in the corporate compliance training skits

It’s not a haircut anymore unless you’re giving these ears a shape up too brother

Shedding real tears for you today David Wright 🫡

We don’t talk enough about how the 1989-90 La Salle team was one of the best mid-major teams of all-time. They had three NBA players, finished 12th in the AP Poll, went into the tournament 30-1, and won 21 of those by double digits (13 of 14). Speedy Morris is a LEGEND.

Link?????????

Like her story king. Send her a fire emoji. No words. Just emojis. Show her you’re different. She will fall in love with you because of it.

They better also provide numbers for doctors to call in case this erection lasts longer than 4 hours

New personal rule of no caffeine after 1pm but what I will do is hammer a double espresso at 12:59

Feel like ubers used to have way more complimentary water bottles

Wow, Lebron on the rocketship. LinkedIn is toast.

Can finally listen to a waiver wire podcast instead of the same 4 songs on repeat for the commute

“I was there in a Braves uniform, but I was really representing New York at that given time.” Staten Island native Jason Marquis took the mound for the Braves in New York in the first game after the attacks on 9/11. “Remembering the Game for New York” is next.

We’re in good company 👀