I really love "back on my bullshit" because it implies: 1) you have bullshit to be on (proud of you for that); 2) you took a little break (for self-care, maybe?); and 3) now you're back, refreshed, and on your bullshit.

Reminds me that I’m the only one who’s ever seen the movie Clifford with Martin Short and Steve Martin

✌🏽put a finger down if the jelly bean you just ate from your pocket was not, in fact, a fun surprise, but one you found outside with some old trash and meant to throw away but forgot and your life has flashed before your eyes ☝🏽

I hit every green light going thru cursed short pump just now so you can start calling me Mother

Sneak eating chocolate in the shower makes it taste even better

Went to Kroger today and my 3 yr old wanted a dragon fruit. That one singular dragon fruit cost $5!!!!! For one piece of fruit! My mistake for not self check and paying banana price but like I know those farmers aren’t getting paid $5 per fruit wages smh smh smh smh smh

Just popped popcorn for tournament of champions

from the ashes, a hero rises

Today my husband volunteered to organize my garden space and the over flow of nursery pots and at first I was like hey! 😡 don’t touch my emotional support pots! Then I was all 😊 it looks so nice thank you! after I remembered I’m 6 months preggo and can’t bend over

I don’t say much about their recipes but Epicurious needs to fall on the sidewalk and scrape their knee real bad. The fuck is this

This week is taking her tiiiiime

One time my mom said “teenage mutant turners” instead of teenage mutant ninja turtles four years ago and my husband and I laugh to tears to this day

I just had a pretty girl tell me I smelled good and my dress was pretty so that cancels out all the weird men comments over the past month. That’s how math works okay!!

The moon is absolutely gorgeous tonight!

My brain is mud 🫠

Go baby go

How Flanders says tangerine