We do this joke on people who major in theater where we don’t give them a degree. Get a real major like business management consulting.

Wow, did you know Obama is giving away 90% of his money to fund Covid Testing? Google “Obama 90 percent” to learn more!

If you have a shirt with a pocket on it you can wear it backwards and anything you put in the pocket will be hidden from God

The same man is always in the printing room. Nobody knows who he is. Messiah College does not have a printing room.

If you order a Cactus Jack Burger at the Union the workers have the legal right to smush your skull

We are using your tuition dollars to hire snipers that shoot cigarettes out of people’s hands to save their life

When you graduate you have to give some of your bones to the giant elephant skeleton in Jordan

Sports kinda lame ngl

Messiah College is a cover operation for a group of elite government agents whose sole purpose is to stop the demiurge from entering our mortal plane

I am in you’re room, under you’re bed, shaping your dreams. Rest well; you’re atonement arrives regardless.

Heat is gonna win it all

Without chapel not enough people are experiencing the beautiful and heinous smell of Hostetter

That didn’t take long

We know what y’all doing in Jordan/Kline at night. We also know what y’all doing in the music rooms. We aren’t going to stop you either.

Did you know employers who take time at the beginning of internships to orient students reap productivity & effectiveness more quickly than those who don't? This Messiah College guide includes an excellent 'Orientation checklist', perfect for #ChecklistDay hdl.voced.edu.au/10707/452129

Happy snow day everyone! Research the “Dyatlov Pass Incident” and tell me demons don’t walk among us.