Me at Whole Foods: “All the healthy food, we are doing this this week. Granola, fruit, chia seeds, check.” Me at home: “Thank god you threw that box of cookies in the basket at Whole Foods.”

55 degrees in October: wears a sweater, gets out slippers, ooh this is a good soup day 55 degrees in January: turns off heat, drives around with the windows down in a T-shirt

I forget every single year that Andrea Zuckerman is the president of SAG. Every year.

80% of my current parenting involves finding Lila's hair elastics around the house and putting them away.

April 18th, and I have finally washed and put the kids’ snow pants away. So the late April snowstorm should pop up on the forecast riiiiiight about...now.

Currently ironing napkins. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Nothing scares the shit out of me more than the nest doorbell camera announcing there's a person outside at 10pm. AND IT'S THE WIND. Every. Single. Time.

Spoiler alert: it’s because Beyonce is already Beyonce. There will never be a next Beyonce. And I’ve worked too hard to be Lizzo to just become somebody else 🤷🏾‍♀️

Celebrate your #SaturKay with a brand new @TheKalenAllen video. #OMKalen

Watching tv w the 10yo, who constantly yells “mom!” And “look!”...we’re watching the same thing. At the same time. I AM LOOKING.

Tween BTS shopping, and wow, we’re really going all in on this 90s trend, aren’t we.

Adulting Level 87: sitting on hold listening to terrible music while you reschedule all the appointments you double booked for your kids and never put in the calendar, bc you said you'd do it later.

New England bus stop mom uniform, fall edition: puffer coat and flip flops.

Am officially Old, because the young people are tweeting things like this.

Having full conversations with random dogs in their yards on my walks now.

All of this.

awkwardlysocial, mfa 99% sure she would FIND ME.

MLB 🆘 Teacher shortages = crowded classrooms I get the feeling that it’s not.

I’ve been sitting on the couch watching Schmigadoon, and the blanket next to me just got up and walked away. BECAUSE SAM WAS UNDER IT, ASLEEP AND I DID NOT KNOW.