I’ve never written an email that took me under 8 hours to write.

Yankees suck.

Rangers suck.

Can someone give me a definitive spelling of the word Bougie. Is it Boojie? Bouchie? Bourgie? Should I just say bourgeoisie?

Sad the actor's strike had to happen, but it did. The one silver lining is I've really been enjoying making strike jokes. "No I can't answer the phone, I'm on strike." "No I can't put the dishes away, I'm on strike."

Zverev and Sinner literally look like Beavis and Butt-head playing tennis against each other #usopen

I just got stung by a bee! Don't they hibernate for the winter?!?

I can’t believe what the selection committee just did to Florida State. It’s like they looked at the phrase ‘Insult to Injury’ and thought it was a good idea. #Seminoles #FloridaState

“Sitting in stunned silence, we remembered our dead. So many dead, So many maimed. So many bright futures consigned to the ashes of the past. So many dreams lost in the madness that had engulfed us. Except for a few widely scattered shouts of joy, the survivors of the abyss sat

So every single time I go to a piano bar or see any live band that takes requests I always, without exception, request the same song, a song that is not obscure, a song that was a huge hit and is still played on the radio. That song is ‘The Waiting’ by Tom Petty And The

That already infamous inning by the Yankees needs a name. I’m currently calling it “The Butt Fumble of Baseball.”

Playing exclusively hard rock from the 90’s this Christmas. It’s been that kind of year.

Merry Christmas.

If I were a writer on SNL, which honestly would be a dream job, I would do a skit about how bartenders shake drinks. The gyrating with some of these guys is hilarious.

When you burp and fart at the same time it’s called a screen shot. You’re welcome.

I have two guns. One for each of ya. ❤️

I always find it funny when strangers ask you to watch their stuff. What if I’m the thief!?