Going to events alone is the most terrifying thing ever but going with any friends is the most fun thing- crazy how that works

Look your team being a perennial heartbreaking disappointment may absolutely crush your soul, *but* it means it’s possible Jon Bois will do a series on them, so who’s the real winner

We need to launch an official investigation into what is going on with the Achilles lately

My long term relationship was toxic as hell but it did have the best meetcute- I jumped in when she was singing A$$ at a party and did the Nicki verse

Spare a prayer for all us outdoor workers these last two days

Been listening to a lot of 90s and 2000s rap, we should bring back ‘steez’

??? You can’t say that???

The way the dirt sticks to my face has me looking like a transphobic caricature- or a drag king who drew on a five o’clock shadow

Forgot the mayoral primary was today, went to a movie and got drinks with a friend- anyways congrats to Zohran!!!

look sometimes this happens to you